(Excerpt from short story)
Artemis stood in the middle of her living room, in the blinking light of her artificial Christmas tree, arms crossed as she glanced at the circle drawn on the floor. You’d think I’d be better prepared than this, she thought, frowning slightly at the fact that the circle was made of brightly colored sugar sprinkles, the sort of thing more appropriate for drizzling over the top of fresh baked cookies than for casting a circle to give her access to the Afterlife. I am a witch, after all, she thought. Granted, not the best witch. And, arguably not the brightest witch. Since she was having to made a mad dash into the Afterlife to retrieve a spirit she’d sent there only days earlier.
How was she to know the spirit she was crossing over was the Holiday Spirit? It’s not like her client has been very forthcoming on that particular detail. The contract had simply said the spirit had been haunting her client since childhood. It was a standard, long term haunting that had to be dealt with. How was Artemis supposed to know she’d been duped into banishing the Holiday Spirit, thereby ruining Christmas (and Hanukkah and Diwali and Eid and Thanksgiving and Veteran’s Day and…well, every holiday ever) for millions of children around the world? It was just a job and she’d needed the money to pay for, well, Christmas presents.
Resigned to seeing her name in the headlines of Witch World Daily once again in a negative light, Artemis sighed. She glanced up from starring at the sugar circle, giving the woman sitting on the couch next to it a slight smile. “If this fails and I don’t come back, at least I won’t be around for all the hexing that’s sure to follow.”
Mira arched one eyebrow, an ability Artemis found mystifying and enviable, and shook her head. “Oh, no. You’re coming back. With that damned spirit in tow. I’m not explaining to my mother that my girlfriend is the one responsible for wiping out her favorite holiday.”
“You could just keep that to yourself. Your mom’s not a witch. Keep her away from the magical news sources and she never needs to know.”
Mira smirked. “Oh, sure. That’ll work. First, since we started dating, she’s got her own subscription to Witch World Daily. And Supernatural Times. Second, do you really think this is going to be kept in magical circles?”
Artemis winced. “No. I guess not.”
“Damn straight. If you don’t get this straightened out, your name is going to be plastered across every newspaper on the planet. Not to mention, CNN, Fox, MSNBC, BBC News . . .”
“All right, all right. I know. I messed up.” She sighed. Not that it was terribly surprising that she’d messed up. She was only a general witch, after all. The real good witches all specialized. And given her family, she should have been a good witch. A very good witch. Martingales did not do general witchcraft. They were one of the most powerful magical families in the country, maybe the world. General witchery? So very, very far beneath them.
And yet, here Artemis stood, in the living room of a small one-bedroom she shared with her ditzy familiar on the not-quite-sketchy side of town. Her brothers and sisters lived in McMansions, brokered deals with presidents and kings. Diana had her own television show on Oprah’s network. Eris was on staff at the White House. Pol was tenured at Southeastern University of the Occult. And her mother was a bloody Senator.
Artemis was quite familiar with being a disappointment.
Still, this was one mistake she had time to correct. It was a week until Christmas, surely that was enough time to get in, grab the ghost and get back to the real world
Taking a steadying breath, she looked toward the stairs to the second floor. “Rio, come on. It’s time to go.”
There was a crash upstairs that made both Artemis and Mira wince. A crash followed by a thump, then the sound of something broken being swatted across the floor. Artemis closed her eyes and cursed silently. A disappointing witch with a decidedly odd familiar.
Rio came bounding down the stairs, looking for all the world like a large, long haired, gray and white spotted cat. Yes, a cat. Because there’s no familiar more cliche than a cat, is there? He wandered over to Artemis, his squirrel-fuzzy tail leisurely flicking back and forth. His green eyes, which always look just slightly out of focus, as though he’d been smoking something herbal and illegal, narrowed in on the ring of sugar on the floor.
**Ooooh! Yum!** He made a dash for the sweet. He would have made it too, if Artemis hadn’t been expecting it and scooped him up at the last second.
Rio pouted at her, settling in against her shoulder. **Tease.**
She grinned at him, fuzzling up the fur around his face until he looked like he had a lion’s mane. “That’s me. Always teasing. You ready to head into the Afterlife?”
**Do I have to go? I had planned some serious napping this afternoon.**
“Yes. You have to go. What part of familiar do you not understand?”
Rio gave her his trademark blank look.
“Uh huh. Anyway, you’re going with me.” She bent down to pick up a carefully packed bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She looked at Mira, leaning over to give her a kiss. “And you’re staying here. I need you to anchor me.”
Mira smiled. “I’m your lifeline, no worries.”
Artemis smiled, then sighed. Mentally, she went over her preparations. Necessarily supplies? She patted the bag on her shoulder. Check. Annoying familiar? Rio was kneading two set of needle claws into her neck while sucking on her shirt. Check. Anchor to the real world? She smile at Mira. Definite check. She nodded. “Okay then, see ya in a few.”
Then she stepped into the middle of that brightly colored sugar circle and everything went dark.
Ordinary Things 